Ever Heard of Sweeteners?
by Vonna Plum
Summary: [Pure Crack][Humour] Oh yes, L, sweeteners are very different to sugar, maybe you should point that out to Light? ‘Sugarfree sweets do wonders.’ [No Tic Tacs, Coffee Toffee or Dentists were harmed in the making of this fanfic]


_Disclaimer: Death Note Not mine._

_I'm not as proud of this one as I was with any of the others (like I'm super proud of 'Don't Dream, It's Over' coz it turned out just how I wanted it too). This is just a random thing that I did. It's not even long enough to be counted as a oneshot, but too long to be a drabble (I think...) so what is it? A drab-shot? bwahahahaha, I'm a total riot! not._

_Beta-ed...ok. Maybe not. Oh fine, I'll go beta it now._

**Ever Heard of Sweeteners?**

L had not gone to the dentist's for a year, maybe more. He knew that a normal person should go to the dentist's twice a year (or suffer the tooth pain!). Light and Watari were determined to get him to go, as he probably had a million cavities…thirty-one thousand, two hundred and fifty cavities for each tooth (I spelt out that number to make it seem bigger, it's really just 31,250)! Oh the horror! But that's assuming that L has 32 teeth, which I hope he does, a normal adult should...let's not panic anyway, it's just a big number for each tooth...

So because Light and Watari loved and cared for L oh so much, they just had to take him to a dentist. The _best-known_ (you never know those sneaky secret dentists that no-one knows about) dentist in the whole of Japan, you know that one that fixes your teeth, gives you a 'teeth care lecture' then gives you stickers and lollies? Emphasise on 'stickers and _lollies_'. Anyway!

"Come on! We're going to the dentist's and there's nothing you can do about it!" Light stated Light said tugging on L's arm.

"I'll raise your chance of being Kira by fifteen percent for attempting to kill me by means of a dentist!" L countered.

"Pah! Yeah right! That's ridiculous!"

"Twenty percent!"

"Come on! Let's go L!" Light began to drag L out the door.

"Thirty percent!"

"God, Ryuuzaki!"

"_Forty_ percent!" L said, ignoring Light's outburst.

"What?!"

"Fifty percent!"

"Oi!" Light just kept trying to drag L out the door.

"Sixty percent!"

"…" Light didn't cease he's pulling.

"Seventy percent!"

"Shut u—"

"_Eighty-five_ percent!"

"The dentist isn't that ba—"

"_Ninety-five _percent!!"

"SHU—"

"_ONE HUNDRED PERCENT_!!!! **YOU ARE KIRA!!!!**"

"Ryuuzaki, please can we go? It's really not that bad!" Watari begged.

"Oh, alright" L said, standing up.

"Oi! Why'd you give in so easily for Watari?!" Light protested. L made no reply.

---

When they got to the dentist's they got the biggest surprise known to mankind…Emphasise on mankind, never know what them sneaky aliens are up to these days, could be more shocking then this...

"L's teeth are perfectly fine," The dentist stated with a perfect dentist's smile (duh).

Shock! Gasp!

"And he has excellent breath!"

Shock! Gasp! Horror! Faint! (That was Watari, poor old man he is…).

"I use Tic Tac." L stated.

"I see, that stuff works miracles!" The dentist nodded, "But don't forget to brush ande floss every day, brush for 3 minutes, not anything rushed, check behind your teeth too, and I suggest you use mouthwash just in case..."

"Ok..." L said monotonously.

"Good, good," The denist smiled a pearly white grin, "Now here, have this pack of stickers and this mega-pack of coffee toffee!" The detist held out a pack of 'Happy Birthday!' stickers and a super mega pack of coffee toffee. 4.5 kilograms of it. _Four point five kilograms_!

'Have they all gone mad? Crazy? Lost their marbles?' Light wondered vaguely.

No, Light, the _author_ has gone mad, crazy and lost her (very few) marbles…

---

"Why don't you have any cavities? Your consumption of sugary foods and substances is inhuman!" Light said to L incredulously on the ride back to L's super HQ building. Doesn't he sound like such a smartass?

"Sugar-free sweets do wonders" L stated unemotionally.

"But if it's sugar-free, how can it be sweet? Sugar is what makes things sweet!"

"Yagami-kun, Yagami-kun, Yagami-kun..." L sighed, smirking to himself inside.

"What? WHAT?!" Light asked, having a minor Misa-spazz. Don't look at me like that, you don't want me to elaborate and turn it into a major Misa-spazz, now do you?

"Ever heard of sweeteners?"

---

_See what I mean? It's just crazy! CrAzY!!! But meh, whatever. R&R please._

_Written: 13 Sept 2007-09-13_

_Inspired by: hyperactive-ness and boredom...in the middle of science class._


End file.
